Talking Animals

For the past month or so I have been working in a middle school as a substitute paraprofessional. Before school and during my breaks I have the opportunity to talk to the two women who run the department from which I get my assignments. They are wonderful women, but a little quirky. One of the things that I find a tad bit disturbing is their personification of animals, specifically their pets. According to these two women, their pets are highly capable of intelligent conversation, a gammot of feelings, and communication with not only other animals, but humans as well. One of these ladies lives on a farm and is apparently some sort of "animal whisperer," as she raises and tames not only domesticated animals, but wild ones as well. Here is a not so short list of her 'people animals' and the things that they say or think (according to Pam-the owner of this managerie).

1. Fred the turkey. This turkey wanders about the yard, looking around and commenting on the beautiful day outside and how everyone should enjoy it because it is so lovely. Not only is the day lovely, but the pond is, the fence is, and, well, everything is lovely. Life is good for this turkey.

2. Abe the goose. He has recently flown south for the winter, but enjoys babysitting gosslings and scolding them when they do not return to the house, eating $100's of dollars worth of flowers, and talking to Pam in the car on the way back from the neighbors' house. (of course, she talks back)

3. Mr. Pretty the chicken. This fine chicken walks around the yard insisting that he is indeed the loveliest chicken and everyone should take turns admiring his beauty. His feathers are perfect, and his posture is im-peck-able.

4. Ashley and Baxter the deer. Yes, deer. Baxter had an unfortunate run-in with a couple of wild dogs, and died a valliant death while protecting his sister Ashley. Ashley is still alive and well, sporting a hunter-orange vest during the hunting season to warn hunters that she IS NOT to be shot. In the past year she has gained her independance, and hung out with the "girls" (other deer) in the trees, who insisted that she get rid of the cute little scarf that Pam tied around her neck. (that ugly thing--how dare she) Ashley easily succumbs to peer pressure, and will only come to the house to say hello when the "girls" aren't looking. Sneakily and alone, she remembers her roots.

5. Charlotte the pig. Charlotte is having a rough winter at the neighbors, where she has to be kept, for a warm place is necessary. She is a bit of an outcast and went through a bout of depression after being beat up by the other pigs in the pen. The reason for the beating was determined to be a case of social ineptness. Aparently Charlotte talks non stop and the other pigs in the pen were wanting her to shut up. Finally, in their exasperation,they proceeded to beat her up. Charlotte has since recovered, and carries on lengthly conversations with Pam (her mom) whenever she comes to visit, which is frequently.

6. Shasta and Smokey the cats. They rule the house, as most cats do, and abhor the presence of Shelby, the dog. Poor, innocent Shelby simply has to walk by Shasta and is met with screams of accusations. Unjustly accused, Shelby replies by telling Pam that she DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! These cats are even unfriendly to house guests. They roll out the welcome mat for no one.

Other pets have included a fox, a raccoon, goats, and I'm sure more had I had the nerve to ask.

Just for the record, in case anyone is wondering, I am not making up any of these conversations--they all happened. So don't even think I've embellished. Oh no, the animals will testify on my behalf. Just ask them.