A not so cynic

I'm often told my my mother that I am becoming quite the cynic. Each time my answer is the same attitude-filled "nu uh, I am not." "Yes, you are," she says to which I reply, "whatever."

Almost as often as my mother tells me this, I say it to Justin. "You're such a cynic," I say. His typical response to this is simply "whatever Meghan."

Truth be told, I've never been quite sure what a cynic is, other than someone who's got a negative viewpoint on life in general. So here's the two definitions that I have found: (1.) a person who believes that people always act from selfish motives (2.) a person who raises doubts about something. Now that I have the definitions right in front of me, I realize that yes, I am a bit of a cynic and also that Justin is a big cynic. Now I don't want to make too many excuses for myself, but I believe a lot of my cynicism comes from Justin. His comes from his childhood, and that's part of who he is. Some people are way worse than him, believing that the world is out to screw you and that if you're not careful, you'll get taken advantage of. On the other hand, some people are so niave that they can hardly stand to watch TV without being shocked at the truly sad state of our society.

So my question now is, how does one guard from becoming cynical? I see it in the teaching profession more than I'd like to admit. With nothing good to say, teachers are hardened, turned off to kids, and down-right bitter about their jobs and the students they teach. More times than not, the teachers' lounge is filled with staff members dogging on kids and just ripping apart their behavior, intellect, and character. It's so bad that I don't even like eating there because they're often talking about my favorite kids. I find myself screaming at these people inside my head:

"WHY ARE YOU EVEN A TEACHER??!!!"

I'm going into special education, so the behavior problem kids are my favorites. I'm still pretty new (really new) so my heart just bleeds for these kids. I can be duped as easy as any of them by some delinquent kid asking to go to the bathroom, where he intends to smoke a doobie (does anyone not know what a doobie is?). Always giving the benefit of the doubt, I constantly have to guard against getting taken advantage of. I have to continually find that balance between trust and authority. It's a hard one to find. Especially being so willing to find the best in people.

Teaching is a profession that most people can't handle if they don't like it. Burnout is high, and bad attitudes abound among those who are just in it because they have nothing better to do. Granted, there are the occasional teachers in love with their jobs and in love with their kids, but I think people have a romanticized view of the profession. These teachers are few and far between. So I look at these bitter, resentful teachers and wonder how they became that way. Is it the pressure of the job, being responsible for 100's of kids over the course of their career? Have they been taken advantage of one too many times? Is it the lack of pay (can't be or they'd find another job). Or is it just the toll that life has taken on them? I think everyone deals with life differently, but how is it that so many teachers end up with the attitudes they have? Do they feel they've been robbed of life experiences because of the time and energy required to dedicate one's life to students? I don't understand it, but I do know that I don't want to become this way. I worry that one day I'll wake up and be just like the rest of them.

So how does this not happen? How does one guard against cynicism? How does one stay a realist but not get carried away in the degenerate state of society, real as it is? Is questioning enough? Is thinking about it enough? What is the next step? Where does the rubber meet the road? Where does thinking become doing? What would that doing look like? How long can you possibly give the benefit of the doubt until that benefit just turns into just pure doubt? Doubt in students, in people, in life, in marriage, in God, in whatever? I'm getting a little broad and rambly here I think.

But at least I think. Maybe that is the first step.