See you next week. Still nothing. We set up another appointment for next Wednesday, when they'll do Non-Stress Test and check me again. If nothing is happening at that time, it's induction on the 1st. In reference to next Wednesday and also the 1st, she keeps saying, "I don't think you'll last that long." But at this point I'm starting to think that she's just saying that to be optimistic in an effort to make me feel better. I'm not sure why, though, because my general attitude has conveyed that I am in no way ready to experience delivering a baby. I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing. Mostly anxiety and terror and panic and scared out of my mind, but a little bit anxious to get things moving and looking forward to see what Baby looks like. Some women are absolutely done by this point and just can't wait to hold that baby and get it out and be done with this whole thing. I'm closer to this attitude than a week ago, but I'm still very uncertain about the whole 'caring for an infant' anyway, so it's really six of one, half a dozen of the other as far as my non-peace of mind goes. Of course it will be fine, but I've got myself quite worked up over the whole ordeal. I've never adjusted to change well, and fear of the unknown is a frequent vice of mine. I'll look back later and realize how silly I am being, but to get from this point to that point is difficult for me. A work in progress.
Back to the Dr. appointment. Before she checked me this morning, she said something about trying to put me into labor. Somehow I was spacing out because when it registered that she had said the words "put me into labor" I had a near panic attack. "WHAT? Explain that to me again? What are you going to do?" She explained what she intended to attempt and said it would actually be a nice way to begin labor (?!) and she was just going to see. "Do we have to do that today?" Well no, she said, but I resigned myself to the fact that it's going to happen one way or another, so whatever. But, my stubbornly content baby made it clear that we're not going anywhere as Doc. couldn't feel a thing. She has no idea if I'm even dilated in the least (doubt it) because she couldn't feel anything. Again. For the third time.
So until next week, I'll continue to wait it out, let Baby grow, control my nerves, and try not to let the massive amounts of fluid that my body is hoarding for whatever reason get to me.
3 comments:
What a frustrating time! I hope it doesn't last too much longer. So are you still working as you wait? Does that help or make it worse as everyone probably asks everyday when you're going to have that baby? I'm thinking about you these days!! Love you!
Yes, still working. I'm super un-motivated to get anything done and have a hard time focusing, but I don't know what I'd do with all my time at home. I would definately be more anxious if I had to sit around at home and think about it. I do get comments every morning. Still here huh? Are you still around? Are you ever going to have that baby? It'll be interesting to see what people say if/when I show up on Monday. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers! I need them. Well, you don't have to think about me, but the prayers are nice. :)
This is crazy! I'm on the edge of my seat! :) I'm praying for you too. I can't imagine the nerves.... You're going to be a fantastic mom, I know you are!
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